What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 10:47
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i do to all so called friends.?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
What are the best moistening cream and sunscreen for oily skin?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Who then, do I blame.?
'Strawberry moon' set to dazzle as rare lunar standstill graces the night sky - KOMO
When she asked me how she looked .
I could never make a relationship work though!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Google Play Store replaces ‘1-tap buy’ with ‘Slide to buy’ - 9to5Google
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
How AI chatbots keep you chatting - TechCrunch
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Sunt explicabo sunt omnis eveniet enim et.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My family never makes their pension either.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Would this be the day?
Which is better, a naked picture of some one you know or porn videos?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Do you realize people believe that story about Taylor Swift? Do you not say it is satire?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
So, i spoilt her more .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
2025 College World Series: How All 8 Teams In Omaha Stacked Up In The Preseason - Baseball America
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Does Trump have the authority to order U.S. strikes on Iran? - PBS
And i lived it daily.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I have no regrets .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
So whats the point in blame.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We were not on the streets..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Comes on , in middle age.
I think the readers, may guess!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I was scared of men, in general
I don,t even have a pension.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She found it foreign!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im still living with it.
This is soul school!.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She wouldn,t have been !
I will be 64.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She loved him until the end.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What did i know ?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was 9 years of age.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She was in good health!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was seconnd youngest,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I write beautiful poetry .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
It was going to be , some day.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We all went to grammer schools
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
All the time i was locked up.
Put me off passion for life!!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I said to her
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I waited trembling.
She married twice! .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was very sick at this time too.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But it wasn’t much.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He resisted the act ,that day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My life is so biszare .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
He knew the spot.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
One cannot live in the past .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Ive learnt so much.
(And it was in our own minds.)
But, we were locked up after school.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.